in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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