Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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