good thing vaginas are great cup holders
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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