Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
