I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
NoShamevember. You game?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
