I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
