I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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