I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
