Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
