i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
