Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
