dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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