do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
