Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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