its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
