I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
