saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
