Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
