I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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