I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
