im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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