She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
