At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
