Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
