So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
