I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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