I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
