I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
