He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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