Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
