White coat. Heels.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
