someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
porn star boner night. come get it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
