wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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