only if we run a train.
done.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
