That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
