Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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