Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
