if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She bit a glass in half.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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