I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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