how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
