I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
