I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
