I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
