My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
