By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
