Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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