I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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