Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
