I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
