Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
