i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i drank out of a bidet.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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