she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
