you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
